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In their top-selling book "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins offer expert advice to help you decide how to know WHEN or IF it's time to break up, leave your relationship or get a divorce. Theirs is an "action book" provided in traditional print form or in a downloadble e-book version that is "filled with hundreds of questions, stories and insights that will help you consciously determine whether to stay in your present relationship or to move on." Relationship Experts Susie and Otto assert that their book "will take you through a powerful process of discovery about yourself, your partner and your relationship" and that "by going...
In order to improve relationships, many people have increasingly turned to Feng Shui remedies hoping to find a solution for their woes. The Feng Shui used in this article is the Eight Mansion (Pa-Kua) School under the Xuan Kong System. For more information on this, and for more basics on Feng Shui, you can visit the following page: http://www.mandarin-ducks.com/fengshui.html SLEEPING POSITION The easiest thing you can do to activate your personal relationships is to sleep with your head pointing towards your Nien Yin (Personal Relationship) direction. For couples, it is recommended that you sleep in a bedroom located in the female's Nien Yin corner of the house, while you sleep with...
Are you in an intimate relationship where violence is a part of your exchange? Does one or the other of you lash out physically toward the other? Do you want it to stop? There is lots of information out there about intimate partner violence. Just google the term and today there were 4,680,000 entries on the topic. Many offer research, explanations, opinions and advice. I am not here to argue for you to stay or get out of a relationship where you are inflicting or receiving violence in your relationship. What I do want you to do, however, is look at your motivation and decide if your behavior and your choices are going to lead you in the direction you want to go for your life. Violence...
We all want love. We all want to feel needed, nurtured and cared for. We also want to
give love and nurture others. Sometimes, this desire for a romantic relationship
becomes unhealthy, even toxic. How do we know when our desire for happily ever
after has become all-consuming, addictive? And when we are aware of the addictive
nature of the relationship, what do we do?
Are You Addicted To Your Relationship?
Relationships can act in the same ways as drugs and alcohol. We can use
relationships to make us happy and fill the emptiness we feel in our lives. If your
relationship is physically or emotionally abusive, but you find yourself constantly
trying to please your partner no matter what, this is a clear addiction. If your
relationship is not abusive, but you find yourself planning your whole life around
your partner, you may be codependent and addicted to your relationship.
Courtney* (not her real name) was with her boyfriend for two years. It was a
whirlwind romance and she thought she had found her soulmate. Six months into
the relationship, she found herself feeling down and in fear of losing the
relationship. In therapy, she was able to see that she had fallen hard for her
charming boyfriend. As time passed, he had become controlling and she was
constantly trying to please him. He was the barometer for her mood. How ever he
was feeling toward her set her mood for the day. She no longer made the choice
about how her day would go; he did. Courtney continued to put her boyfriend first
and lost sight of her own individual goals.
Do You Put Your Relationship First?
Courtney began to feel more depressed and her other relationships and work
suffered. She was so focused on pleasing her boyfriend that she forgot about her
own needs. Courtney needed to reexamine her goals and her life. What did this
relationship bring her? Did it enrich her life, making her feel stronger, supported?
Courtney realized that her boyfriend was top priority and she had handed her self-
esteem over to him. He was in control.
What Now?
Courtney now saw how damaging this addiction was becoming. With addictive
relationships such as this, we need to identify what is happening and then look at
how to recover. This does not always mean releasing the relationship. Sometimes it
means we need to work on ourselves. Often times, we need professional help
as unresolved childhood issues have a great deal to do with our present
relationships. Our past is powerful and we often reenact our family of origin issues.
Courtney began to make the link. Her father was a controlling alcoholic and this
relationship with her boyfriend was familiar. Working on her past and clarifying her
goals began the work toward healing. Courtney began to set appropriate limits with
her boyfriend and took time to focus on herself and her goals. Her depression
began to lift and she put herself first.
Relationships are beautiful. They can make us see life through different eyes. They
can also become intoxicating like any drug or alcohol. It is important to strike that
balance and always be your top priority.
Rebecca Ishida, M.A., MFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist in West
Hollywood, CA. She has been in the field for over 9 years and is in private practice. She
can be reached at
http://www.rebeccaishida.com/.
A Quick Note
From The Publisher...
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One thing to keep in mind when seeking relationship advice is that the relationship advice business is exactly that - a business, and a big business at that. It is important to be aware that there is a lot of bad advice available in the marketplace, a lot of poorly trained relationship counselors around, and a lot of poorly conceived and badly written books on the subject. So what do you do when you feel your relationship is starting to suffer? Where do you turn? The very first place to turn is to your friends and family members to see if they have had any experience in seeking out good relationship help. At the very worst, they may be able to steer you away from some counselor who didn't work or some books that didn't help. At the best, they may reveal to you that having been in the same position as you find yourself in currently, they found an answer or a therapist that worked for them and may also work for you. Word of mouth personal referrals are the absolute best way to find someone to help strengthen your relationship. Visit the therapist they recommended and talk with him or her. The initial consultation is usually free and you'll know quickly whether or not this person has anything to say that might help you. Find some information about that couples relationship workshop they attended and see if looks or sounds like something you and your mate might want to try. Read that book, which by now is probably available for free at your local library and try to determine if it opens any windows into your situation. By spending some time where a friend directs you, you may not find the answers you seek but you will have started down a path of trying to heal things that just may lead you to the right destination. About the Author Relationships Info provides...
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