Advice on Relationships

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Author:
Dr. Robert A. Eubanks


“It’s all about relationships!” proclaimed my father during our recent holiday visit with my parents. Santa Claus coffee cup in one hand and a wagging finger toward my wife, Elizabeth, with the other. “When you retire, that’s what you realize is most important in life” (okay, so that’s not him in the photo).

Dad recently retired from 30+ years as an orthopedic surgeon and the major shift in lifestyle seems to have brought about a significant shift in his outlook on life. For me, his statement about relationships became much broader and more profound than I thought such a simple and reasonable statement could ever become.

At first look, it makes sense that relationships are vital to our lives. Whether it is friendship, dating, marriage, family or community, relationships with others are a part of our everyday life. They give us belonging, meaning, companionship, intimacy and love. But, pulling back from this view and taking a broad gander at the subject I realized that relationships are more than just meaningful interactions with people. When we “relate” or interact with something we are, in fact, in relationship with it. For instance, our relationship with work, our relationship with ourselves, our relationship with our health and our relationship with our spirituality. By defining relationships from this broader perspective, our relationship list becomes almost endless.

You see, when we look at our relationships, we look at our interaction with every part of our lives; people, places, things, and events. So, what is our relationship to our work, ourselves, our environment, our health, our spirituality? How do we relate to these things? Or, better yet, if it is “all about relationships” how are our most important relationships?

Coming from the psychotherapy world, I often helped couples, families and individuals improve personal relationships by working through a series of 5 questions. Once I broadened my definition of relationships, I found that these questions are applicable to all types of relationships. The questions go something like this:

1. What relationships do you value most?

Be clear about what you value and which relationships are truly priorities to you.

2. Why do you value them?

Understanding the value these relationships have for you underscores the importance of the relationship and clarifies why a relationship “feels” important.

3. How do you nourish each relationship?

Now that you’ve identified how and why a relationship is important, you must define what it is that you do to keep that relationship alive and growing.

4. How do you maintain your commitment through the tough times?

Are the divorce stats really any different from the number of other relationships that end in our own lives (i.e., dropping the diet, “forgetting” exercise, leaving job after job, putting personal goals and dreams on hold, getting around to the God/spiritual thing when you have more time, etc)? These relationships may not necessarily be a marriage but like a marriage these relationships have their challenging times. Similar to a marital relationship, we must work through the difficult times in our other relationships rather than set them aside until a better time or just plain hope the struggles go away. This is often the point at which my coaching clients seek my assistance.

You will inevitably find that nurturing these relationships is often like a juggling act. Though, once we identify the key relationships in our lives and begin relating with them rather than leaving them on our “To Do” list, we will soon find that balance in life is an attainable goal and that, in fact, life truly is all about relationships.


Robert A. Eubanks, Ph.D. is a personal coach whose mission is to help others balance their lives, achieve personal goals and begin living their passions. For a complimentary coaching session or more information about coaching, go to www.bridgetosolutions.com or call 561-385-9184.

bridgetosolutions@yahoo.com

A Quick Note From The Publisher... If you like the article above, you may be interested in the following article which is also related to Improve Relationships... How to Decide Whether to Keep Your Marriage or Other Relationship Going or to End It In their top-selling book "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins offer expert advice to help you decide how to know WHEN or IF it's time to break up, leave your relationship or get a divorce. Theirs is an "action book" provided in traditional print form or in a downloadble e-book version that is "filled with hundreds of questions, stories and insights that will help you consciously determine whether to stay in your present relationship or to move on." Relationship Experts Susie and Otto assert that their book "will take you through a powerful process of discovery about yourself, your partner and your relationship" and that "by going through this process, the decision about what's best for you actually reveals itself to you." Webster's Dictionary defines a relationship as "a romantic or passionate attachment." If you're in one, you might think that you've found heaven on earth. Or maybe something that's not quite so grand, just OK or so-so. Or possibly something far worse if your relationship is starting to seem more like hell on earth than heaven. In fact, things may seem so bad to you that you've started thinking seriously about leaving a relationship. And if you're married this could mean getting a divorce. Many of us have found ourselves in a similar situation and have suffered great anguish while trying to decide what to do -- stay in a relationship or leave it. Well, the husband and wife Relationship Coach team of Susie and Otto Collins, who are also top-selling authors, are urging that before you take the next, maybe fateful step regarding your relationship, that you stop long enough to learn how to make the best possible decision about whether to stay or go. Susie and Otto say that while...