Advice on Relationships

Poll

	|   |

Author:
Rinatta Paries

Learning to accept that which you fear most is a healthy way to improve your outlook on life. This applies to relationships, too. Learn how accepting that which you most fear about your relationship status will help you begin living your best life.
"Accepting the thing you fear the most -- which is not having the thing you want the most -- often has a transformative quality."
~ Rinatta Paries Acceptance, as a spiritual concept and practice, may be a powerful answer to your relationships -- regardless of whether you are single or in a relationship. I have certainly found it to be a powerful tool for me and for my clients.
The type of acceptance I am referring to is not about giving up, nor is it about shutting down out of frustration and fear. I am referring to a more spiritual/religious type of acceptance, the kind you learn from meditation or prayer. This kind of acceptance has a component of peace. It is understanding that if the thing you want the most is not meant to be in your life, then there is something better, or something more purposeful, or perhaps something to learn.
If you can achieve this kind of acceptance, you will stop desperately wanting and terribly fearing, without being angry or sad about it. You will no longer take extreme steps to try and fix or improve your relationship situation. You will no longer put your life on hold until you have the perfect relationship. You will begin to concentrate on having the best life you possibly can, right now.
In the process of doing this, your relationship situation may change to become what you wanted in the first place. On the other hand, it may not -- but you may simply have a peaceful, satisfying life.
What am I really talking about here? Let me specifically address each state of singleness or commitment, and show you how the concept of acceptance may transform your relationships. Always Single
Ironically, if you want to stop being single, you need to fully accept that which you fear the most -- that you may always be single.
Accept it, but don't give up, give in, be angry, shut down, etc. Turn to your spiritual counselor, advisor, teacher, therapist, coach, etc., for help in learning acceptance.
Casually Dating
Singles who are casually dating often have a fear they will never meet their Mr. or Ms. Right. If this is you, you need to accept that which you fear the most -- that you may never meet the right person and remain alone.
Again, you want to accept this with an open heart and mind, but don't give up, shut down, give in, get depressed, etc. Get help from a religious/spiritual leader or a coach or therapist.
Seriously Dating
If you are in a serious relationship, you may fear that the relationship will end or never go anywhere. You need to accept that which you fear the most -- that your relationship may end, or it might get stuck at the same place you are now.
Accept this and you will become free to be yourself in the relationship because you will have faced your greatest fear.
In a Long-Term Relationship in Trouble
If your relationship is going poorly and you are both struggling to breakup or stay together, your greatest fear may be that the relationship will end. You may be afraid of losing everything you have built together with your partner -- the life, the family, the lifestyle. This is what you need to accept. Face your fear that you may in fact lose everything and have to start over.
I know this is an almost impossible thing to accept. However, acceptance will bring you freedom and peace and the innate knowledge of what to do next.
In a Long-Term Relationship Going Well
If you are in a relationship that is going well, your greatest fear may be that the happiness you feel now may not last. And this is what you need to accept -- that in fact the happiness may not and almost certainly will not last as your relationship and life continue to move forward.
Accepting this will allow you to take grater risks in your relationship and keep it from getting stagnant and predictable.
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com
(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"
About the Author
As a Master Certified professional relationship coach, Rinatta Paries works with hundreds of singles each month seeking her expertise in helping them find and attract loving, fulfilling, long-term relationships. More than 10,000 subscribers read her weekly ezine, "The Relationship Coach Newsletter," filled with insightful, applicable and attainable relationship advice. Rinatta is a graduate of Coach University, a premier educational institution for training professional coaches, and a member of the International Coach Federation, an independent coaching certification organization. For more information, visit www.WhatItTakes.com or email Coach@WhatItTakes.com

A Quick Note From The Publisher... If you like the article above, you may be interested in the following article which is also related to Improve Relationships... All About Love: What IS A Healthy Relationship? What are the magic ingredients of a truly healthy relationship? How do you know whether the current romantic relationship, love affair, or even marriage is the 'right' one for you? For starters, ask yourself how you feel about 75% of the time. Be brutally honest. Would you describe your mood as predominantly happy or sad, your basic outlook as mostly positive or negative? A healthy relationship doesn't make you feel miserable. You don't need to endlessly obsess about issues over which you have no control, such as "Will he ever leave his wife so that we can be married, even after his children graduate from college, like he promised?" Why do so many people settle for being unhappy as a way of life? Often it's because they don't feel they deserve to be happy. But love doesn't, or shouldn't, make you feel bad. Can love actually be bad for you? Well, toxic love can -- and may result in relentless anxiety about the one who holds your life, hopes, and well-being in the palm of his (or her) hand. Desperate, worried people tend to be possessive, jealous, clinging, whiny, and/or unreasonable. So is it any wonder that this type of obsessive love can actually alienate the object of such an overwhelming, all-consuming love? Everyone needs some psychic space, and having such anxious demands placed on you can be suffocating. Who among us feels capable of living up to such high standards as making someone else deliriously happy? Extremely needy people tend to be 'high maintenance' in a love relationship, sometimes even in a simple friendship. It's not much fun to realize the person you care about (and once even thought you might want to marry) is constantly keeping score. It begins to feel as though you'll never "pass Go" but will usually land "in...