Advice on Relationships

Poll

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Author:
Stephania Munson-Bishop

What are the magic ingredients of a truly healthy relationship?
How do you know whether the current romantic relationship, love affair, or even marriage is the 'right' one for you? For starters, ask yourself how you feel about 75% of the time. Be brutally honest. Would you describe your mood as predominantly happy or sad, your basic outlook as mostly positive or negative?
A healthy relationship doesn't make you feel miserable. You don't need to endlessly obsess about issues over which you have no control, such as "Will he ever leave his wife so that we can be married, even after his children graduate from college, like he promised?"
Why do so many people settle for being unhappy as a way of life? Often it's because they don't feel they deserve to be happy. But love doesn't, or shouldn't, make you feel bad. Can love actually be bad for you? Well, toxic love can -- and may result in relentless anxiety about the one who holds your life, hopes, and well-being in the palm of his (or her) hand.
Desperate, worried people tend to be possessive, jealous, clinging, whiny, and/or unreasonable. So is it any wonder that this type of obsessive love can actually alienate the object of such an overwhelming, all-consuming love? Everyone needs some psychic space, and having such anxious demands placed on you can be suffocating. Who among us feels capable of living up to such high standards as making someone else deliriously happy?
Extremely needy people tend to be 'high maintenance' in a love relationship, sometimes even in a simple friendship. It's not much fun to realize the person you care about (and once even thought you might want to marry) is constantly keeping score. It begins to feel as though you'll never "pass Go" but will usually land "in Jail." But love shouldn't be a Monopoly game. There needs to be plenty of room for each partner to stretch, and grow. Gluing two separate people together is not just symbiotic but potentially dysfunctional.
So, how do you view your own relationship, to measure just how healthy it is? After evaluating whether you're mostly happy and content, or mostly sad and worried, you might want to consider the basic ingredients or characteristics -- all right, call them Strengths -- of a healthy relationship, as follows:
(1) What each of us expects from the other is fair and realistic. (2) We are happy with one another, as we are. (3) Each of us listens to the other, and cares. (4) There is ample room for each of us to have a separate life/self. We know we are two separate people who choose to be together and grow/nurture a wonderful, loving relationship. (5) We can argue or disagree, and remain friends. (6) Each of us has come to rely on the other, because we value our relationship as a top priority. (7) Mutual communication and sharing is valued by each of us. (8) Neither of us must be something or someone other than what we are, to please the other. (9) Total honesty is a shared value, as well as kindness and sensitivity toward one another's feelings. (10) Our relationship works well now, not as an unfulfilled goal to be hoped for in the future. (11) We are both committed to the relationship, and to one another. Neither of us threatens to leave. (12) We love and care for one another, unconditionally
How many of those strengths does your relationship have? Remember, if yours seems to be lacking, it's not necessarily time to end it all -- because every relationship or marriage can be improved, if both parties are willing to work together to achieve that goal. Don't settle for mediocre, when you can shoot for and really have Miraculous!
About the Author
Stephania is a human service professional with nearly 40 years in the field. She publishes a content-rich ezine, "Tidbits from the Pantry," about self-help, growth, and relationships to over 11,000 subscribers, and offers a life coaching service. To subscribe to her ezine, mailto:info@humansrv.net?subject=SUB Visit her site at http://www.humansrv.net

A Quick Note From The Publisher... If you like the article above, you may be interested in the following article which is also related to Improve Relationships... Happy Relationships Happy Relationships by Udo Vieth Did you know that apart from financial problems, heck even with financial problems, the biggest threat to a happy relationship is a negative person. Lets face it, if nothing is ever good or positive, sooner or later either the other partner or the relationship itself will not be good enough. That person will find the negative in any situation, including the relationship. They will find the faults with you, no matter how small. Now if that information was used in a positive way to enhance or "fix" a relationship, great! But the negative person will use this information, focus on it continuously and bring it up constantly. Eventually, there is nothing good that can be seen about being in the relationship anymore. The next step is action. The person seeing only negative things about the relationship, will start acting in a way to protect themselves from the impending pain. This is a genuine concern, as it is a very real feeling. One action will lead to another, until there is no more feeling of passion and contentment left. There is a feeling of apprehension and gloom. Nobody wants to live under those circumstances, and so the relationship declines until one or the other partner says 'enough, I'm outta here' End of relationship. I knew a woman for several years once, who was never happy in any situation, was negative about people, her surroundings and always expected that future events would be the ones to make her happy. Whilst I was trying to be friends with her, because I enjoyed her company at different times, her increasingly negative attitude eventually made me want to avoid being around her. She would say, "I would be happy if I was married," then when she got married she was...