Advice on Relationships

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Author:
Alan Detwiler


You can improve how good your relationship is. A few basic guidelines will make your relationship more enjoyable and beneficial for both of you.

A romantic relationship has many benefits: companionship, being inspired by someone else's example, and stimulation by the other person's ideas. Keep in mind that those benefits are there and that they are important.

Don't use a relationship as a way to solve your problems. Dating and marriage are not ways to overcome unhappiness, escape from boredom, and improve self-image. You must do those things for yourself. Using a relationship for those reasons puts burdens on the relationship that make it less pleasant and less rewarding.

Your gotta be tolerant. A relationship is a place for honesty and openness. Those principles allow a couple to share ideas and to gradually change in ways that let them more enjoy living. Your attitude should signal the other person that you will try to patiently work through each other's shortcomings. If that's too much strain, decide that separation is best and graciouly part company without bitterness.

Romance and love will more likely happen if you allow them to happen instead of making them a goal. Making the relationship better should be the goal. Pay attention to treating each other fairly and helping each other. If love happens, it will be based on believing that both of you can continue to build a good relationship.

Don't expect a perfect relationship. That happens only in fairy tales. If you expect too much, it makes your relationship less valuable by comparison. Problems will occur. You will get hurt. Don't be so concerned with minor problems that you loose awareness of what is good in the relationship. When appropriate, offer advice not the threat of disapproval. You want to develop a spirit of mutual benefit.

Respect each other's attitude about physical affection. Be patient. Your partner is not a mind reader and may not be aware of the problem. If something about the physical part of the relationship is a big issue for you, let your concerns be known. Being aware of a problem is the first step in solving a problem. Anxiety about a problem can be lessened just by knowing that the other person is aware of the problem.

Take time for mutual interests. This can be in many forms including hobbies, conversation, recreation, an interest in art, and family activities. Mutual interests keep a couple from gradually becoming uninvolved in each other's lives.

Encourage your partner to act and make decisions. Both of you will be able to accomplish more with the other's support and encouragement. When there is a disagreement, don't automatically think it is necessary to correct the other person. Your encouragement will produce more good results than will your objections.


Alan Detwiler is the author of the ebook Date Ideas: Fun Things To Do For Couples available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0002WYFFC/ He has a web site with a section about fun things to do for couples at http://www.leisureideas.com/date ideas.htm.

A Quick Note From The Publisher... If you like the article above, you may be interested in the following article which is also related to Improve Relationships... Codependent Relationships: Takers and Caretakers The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated. Title: Codependent Relationships: Takers and Caretakers Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 704 Category: Relationships Codependent Relationships: Takers and Caretakers By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Takers and caretakers – they often seem to find each other! As a counselor who has worked with relationships for 37 years, I can tell you that this is the most frequent relationship dynamic that I encounter. Takers are people who tend to be narcissistic – that is, they are self-centered with an excessive need for attention and admiration. The taker attempts to control getting love, attention, approval or sex from others with anger, blame, violence, criticism, irritation, righteousness, neediness, invasive touch, invasive energy, incessant talking and/or emotional drama. The taker uses many forms of both overt and covert control to get the attention he or she wants. Takers not only want a lot of control, but are often afraid of being controlled and become overtly or covertly resistant to doing what someone else wants them to do. The taker might resist with denial, defending, procrastination, rebellion, irresponsibility, indifference, withdrawal, deadness, numbness, rigidity, and/or incompetence. In a relationship, takers operate from the belief that “You are responsible for my feelings of pain and joy. It is your job to make sure that I am okay.” Caretakers, on the other hand, operate from the belief that “I am responsible for your...