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Introduction Many gay men in both short and long-term relationships report concern when the romance and passion in their partnerships decline or “dry up”, leading them to question themselves and fear for the future of their relationships. An unfortunate consequence of this is that many men break up with their partners prematurely at this point, have affairs, or turn to some form of addiction to cope under the mistaken notion that something is defective or wrong in their relationships. This article is the first in a two-part series and will describe how this phenomenon is a normal occurrence in healthy relationship development and how you can assess your own “relationship red flags” that...
Introduction This is the second installment in a 2-part article series on creating more intimacy and passion in your relationship. In Part 1, you learned about the developmental stages that gay couples go through in their relationships and how declining passion is a normal phenomenon and indication that your partnership is growing and maturing. You also had the opportunity to complete a self-assessment to uncover any blocks that could stand in the way of your having more passion in your relationship. Part 2 will now offer some practical tips and suggestions for enhancing intimacy in your relationship to bring more life and spice to what you and your partner already share. ...
What are the magic ingredients of a truly healthy relationship? How do you know whether the current romantic relationship, love affair, or even marriage is the 'right' one for you? For starters, ask yourself how you feel about 75% of the time. Be brutally honest. Would you describe your mood as predominantly happy or sad, your basic outlook as mostly positive or negative? A healthy relationship doesn't make you feel miserable. You don't need to endlessly obsess about issues over which you have no control, such as "Will he ever leave his wife so that we can be married, even after his children graduate from college, like he promised?" Why do so many people settle for being unhappy as a way of life? Often it's because they don't feel they deserve to be happy. But love doesn't, or shouldn't, make you feel bad. Can love actually be bad for you? Well, toxic love can -- and may result in relentless anxiety about the one who holds your life, hopes, and well-being in the palm of his (or her) hand. Desperate, worried people tend to be possessive, jealous, clinging, whiny, and/or unreasonable. So is it any wonder that this type of obsessive love can actually alienate the object of such an overwhelming, all-consuming love? Everyone needs some psychic space, and having such anxious demands placed on you can be suffocating. Who among us feels capable of living up to such high standards as making someone else deliriously happy? Extremely needy people tend to be 'high maintenance' in a love relationship, sometimes even in a simple friendship. It's not much fun to realize the person you care about (and once even thought you might want to marry) is constantly keeping score. It begins to feel as though you'll never "pass Go" but will usually land "in Jail." But love shouldn't be a Monopoly game. There needs to be plenty of room for each partner to stretch, and grow. Gluing two separate people together is not just symbiotic but potentially dysfunctional. So, how do you view your own relationship, to measure just how healthy it is? After evaluating whether you're mostly happy and content, or mostly sad and worried, you might want to consider the basic ingredients or characteristics -- all right, call them Strengths -- of a healthy relationship, as follows: (1) What each of us expects from the other is fair and realistic. (2) We are happy with one another, as we are. (3) Each of us listens to the other, and cares. (4) There is ample room for each of us to have a separate life/self. We know we are two separate people who choose to be together and grow/nurture a wonderful, loving relationship. (5) We can argue or disagree, and remain friends. (6) Each of us has come to rely on the other, because we value our relationship as a top priority. (7) Mutual communication and sharing is valued by each of us. (8) Neither of us must be something or someone other than what we are, to please the other. (9) Total honesty is a shared value, as well as kindness and sensitivity toward one another's feelings. (10) Our relationship works well now, not as an unfulfilled goal to be hoped for in the future. (11) We are both committed to the relationship, and to one another. Neither of us threatens to leave. (12) We love and care for one another, unconditionally How many of those strengths does your relationship have? Remember, if yours seems to be lacking, it's not necessarily time to end it all -- because every relationship or marriage can be improved, if both parties are willing to work together to achieve that goal. Don't settle for mediocre, when you can shoot for and really have Miraculous! About the Author Stephania is a human service professional with nearly 40 years in the field. She publishes a content-rich ezine, "Tidbits from the Pantry," about self-help, growth, and relationships to over 11,000 subscribers, and offers a life coaching service. To subscribe to her ezine, mailto:info@humansrv.net?subject=SUB Visit her site at http://www.humansrv.net
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One thing to keep in mind when seeking relationship advice is that the relationship advice business is exactly that - a business, and a big business at that. It is important to be aware that there is a lot of bad advice available in the marketplace, a lot of poorly trained relationship counselors around, and a lot of poorly conceived and badly written books on the subject. So what do you do when you feel your relationship is starting to suffer? Where do you turn? The very first place to turn is to your friends and family members to see if they have had any experience in seeking out good relationship help. At the very worst, they may be able to steer you away from some counselor who didn't work or some books that didn't help. At the best, they may reveal to you that having been in the same position as you find yourself in currently, they found an answer or a therapist that worked for them and may also work for you. Word of mouth personal referrals are the absolute best way to find someone to help strengthen your relationship. Visit the therapist they recommended and talk with him or her. The initial consultation is usually free and you'll know quickly whether or not this person has anything to say that might help you. Find some information about that couples relationship workshop they attended and see if looks or sounds like something you and your mate might want to try. Read that book, which by now is probably available for free at your local library and try to determine if it opens any windows into your situation. By spending some time where a friend directs you, you may not find the answers you seek but you will have started down a path of trying to heal things that just may lead you to the right destination. About the Author Relationships Info provides...
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