Advice on Relationships

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Author:
Terje Ellingsen

Dating and establishing love relationships can be compared to choosing a vehicle. You pick out the make, model, year, color and features that you believe are best for you. After driving your vehicle for a couple of months, you realize that perhaps you should have purchased a larger car, or that maybe the leather seats would have been better, or on hot sunny days, the sunroof would have been nice. However, it is now too late so you choose to keep your car and accept the decision you made. It is the same for a marriage or couple relationship. Not everything will be perfect and there will be major obstacles to overcome but you have made your decision and now you choose to make it work no matter which marriage troubles you are experiencing.

Dating and marriage is different than it was thirty years ago. Today, more than 50% of all marriages fail for one reason or another. Just thinking about that makes “commitments” and marriage vows seem scary. It seems that when relationships are faced with challenges, people quit trying. Dating is more like a marathon, trying to date as many people as possible, instead of taking time to get to know someone on a deeper level. For married couples, divorce is not biased. Whether married for thirty years or eight months, the outcome can be the same.

The fact is that relationships, whether dating or married, are hard. Things do not always go perfectly, fighting does occur, and it takes a 100% commitment from both parties to make it a success. Often when people break off a relationship, they feel as though something is missing. The “spark” has gone, leaving one or both people feeling inadequate and unfulfilled.

However, even though the odds are not very good, it has been proven by many people that healthy and long-lasting relationships are definitely possible. Look at Paul Newman and Joanne Woodard, Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman, or Nancy and Ronald Regan. What secrets do and did they possess? The answer is: work hard at the relationship. They made a decision of choosing to love their mate rather than relying on the “warm and fuzzy” feelings, which everyone knows will fade. By making love a choice, you are making a decision that even in the bad times, you stick it out.

There are hundreds of things you can do to build, strengthen, and enhance your relationship. You can find lots of relationship self help resources online. Remember, little steps taken every day will add up to big successes.

About the Author : Terje Brooks Ellingsen is a writer and Sociologist who runs http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/. He writes about self improvement issues like self esteem development, see http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/self_esteem_improvement.htm and relationship building issues, see http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/building_positive_relationships.htm Source: www.isnare.com

A Quick Note From The Publisher... If you like the article above, you may be interested in the following article which is also related to Improve Relationships... All About Love: What IS A Healthy Relationship? What are the magic ingredients of a truly healthy relationship? How do you know whether the current romantic relationship, love affair, or even marriage is the 'right' one for you? For starters, ask yourself how you feel about 75% of the time. Be brutally honest. Would you describe your mood as predominantly happy or sad, your basic outlook as mostly positive or negative? A healthy relationship doesn't make you feel miserable. You don't need to endlessly obsess about issues over which you have no control, such as "Will he ever leave his wife so that we can be married, even after his children graduate from college, like he promised?" Why do so many people settle for being unhappy as a way of life? Often it's because they don't feel they deserve to be happy. But love doesn't, or shouldn't, make you feel bad. Can love actually be bad for you? Well, toxic love can -- and may result in relentless anxiety about the one who holds your life, hopes, and well-being in the palm of his (or her) hand. Desperate, worried people tend to be possessive, jealous, clinging, whiny, and/or unreasonable. So is it any wonder that this type of obsessive love can actually alienate the object of such an overwhelming, all-consuming love? Everyone needs some psychic space, and having such anxious demands placed on you can be suffocating. Who among us feels capable of living up to such high standards as making someone else deliriously happy? Extremely needy people tend to be 'high maintenance' in a love relationship, sometimes even in a simple friendship. It's not much fun to realize the person you care about (and once even thought you might want to marry) is constantly keeping score. It begins to feel as though you'll never "pass Go" but will usually land "in...