Advice on Relationships

Poll

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Author:
Dr. Linda Miles

On a piece of paper, in a notebook or in your journal answer the following series of questions. Do this to learn about yourself and your relationship, but you can also suggest that your partner do the same. You can do this on a yearly basis, say January 1st every year.
Exercise Number 1
Do you recall the beginning of your relationship, when you first fell in love?
Describe your behavior.
Describe your partner's behavior.

Too often in a long-term relationship partners stop the very behaviors that connected them with one another in the first place, but transcendent reality.
Some common examples are:

Do you remember looking deeply into one another's eyes?
Do you remember how easy concentrated attention was?
Do you remember those compliments and gifts, etc.?

What do you do that is the same?
What do you no longer do?
What has your partner stopped doing?
What behaviors would you like to restore to your relationship?
Exercise Number 2
What behaviors bother you most about your partner?
Are these issues similar to issues from your past?
If so, what part do you play in implanting the negative behaviors in your partner?
How could you change your behavior to encourage a more positive response?

Copyright 2005 Linda Miles Ph.D

About the Author
Author, Dr. Linda Miles, is deeply committed to helping individuals and couples achieve rewarding relationships. She co-authored an award-winning book, The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth, and CD's, The Train Your Brain series. http://www.drlindamiles.com

A Quick Note From The Publisher... If you like the article above, you may be interested in the following article which is also related to Improve Relationships... Loving Words Heal Relationships The most powerful two phrases that heal a damaged relationship are also the two phrases that are hardest to say… “I’m Sorry” and “I was wrong”…This is essential in healing relationships for couples especially on how to save a marriage. The reason why these phrases are hardest to say is because we do not want to admit that we have caused anything that broke or hurt a relationship. Most of the time we say that it was the other person’s fault. And we wait for him or her to be the first to apologize. However, the apology never comes because the other person is also waiting for it. And we know that relationships within the family and outside of it sometimes end because of the lack of this apology. In Christian marriage counseling, we know many break-ups occur simply because one or the other never took the step to apologize. Why is it so hard to admit that we were wrong and to apologize? Its simple… that’s human nature, a weakness which puts us above the others. What we need is to overcome this devotion to self. This requires personal growth, empathy and caring for the other. These are what we need in healing relationships for couples. And a simple apology will restore that broken relationship. It does not matter who did wrong when a relationship is broken. Its important that we take the first step. Keep in mind that the other person feels the same way. We should say something that can lead to healing such as “I’m truly sorry that we are having this problem. Can we talk about making things right again?” Taking a step like this almost always leads to healing a broken relationship. And most of the time, the conversation results in both parties apologizing and this usually results to a stronger relationship. Any kind of healing in relationship for couples obviously...