Advice on Relationships

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Author:
Pat Swan, M.S.

Human beings are relational by nature. Therefore, interpersonal relationships, past or present, personal or professional, represent a primary source of stress in our lives. Chronic stress is a major factor in the breakdown of our immune system, and has been found to be the source of many emotional and physical disorders.

Numerous studies have linked stress to illnesses including heart disease, fibromyalgia, migraines, cancer, ulcers, irritable bowel syndrome, low back pain, and many more.
Stress management strategies often suggested include deep breathing, relaxation exercises, physical exercise, meditation, and yoga, among others.

But how often have you heard someone suggest that it is important to evaluate your relationships and reduce your interpersonal stress in order to effectively improve health?

In my practice as a Marriage and Family Therapist more than 90% of my clients suffering from depression, anxiety or other mental illnesses have one primary complaint – relationship problems at work or at home.

We have heard that we must quit smoking to reduce risks of cancer and enhance health. Have we heard the results of divorce studies that indicate that the stress related damage to a man going through divorce is equal to smoking a pack of cigarettes a day? It appears from this study that reducing conflict in our relationships could equal our quitting smoking as a health strategy.

We have heard that we must exercise, eat healthy and watch our cholesterol if we want to avoid a heart attack. But have we heard that an element closely linked to heart disease has been defined as the “hostility “ factor, or “cynical mistrust of others.” It appears from this that improvement in conflict resolution skills and dealing with interpersonal anger may be more helpful than other strategies in maintaining good cardiovascular health.

We know that most individuals surviving cancer will try many complementary and alternative options to lengthen their lives. But did you know that studies have shown that women surviving breast cancer can double their survival time if they are involved in a close, intimate support network?

These and many other studies confirm the fact that healthier relationships lead to better health, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Most of us did not learn effective interpersonal skills at home. So why do so few individuals consider relationship skills training right from the start, before the stress becomes chronic? Probably because we haven’t been made aware of the facts.

The good news is that anyone can improve their relationships through learning simple skills including active or reflective listening, conflict resolution, behavioral changes, and thought management, among others.
If you want less stress, and more fun and fulfillment in your life, consider exploring options for relationship skill building. Whether the relationship is past or present, personal or professional, you can make it better and get healthier in the process.

About the Author
Pat Swan, M.S., CMFT: Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, Trainer, Author of “Watch Out! Your Relationships Can Be Hazardous To Your Health.” www.RelationshipSkillville.com. Subscribe to my FREE ezine “The Skillville Scoop”. Mail to pat@patswan.com

A Quick Note From The Publisher... If you like the article above, you may be interested in the following article which is also related to Improve Relationships... 7 Myths About Creating A Better Relationship 7 Myths About Creating A Better Relationship by Cecil McIntosh In my private practice for over 14 years no matter what my clients have come to see me about, there has always been an issue about a better relationship. Here are 7 of the most common misconceptions my clients have related to me about having a better relationship. These misconceptions are followed by my perspective on each one of them. Myth 1 I have to love everything about my partner. Reality Check 1 You were born pure and pristine. You then learnt behaviors from your parents, teacher, coaches, church etc. (who did their best to teach you about a better relationship). These behaviors have become the backbone for your way of living and having a better relationship. Perhaps a common behavior that irritates having a better relationship would be leaving the toilet seat up after use. This is merely a behavior and not the essence of the person. However, when you may consider this behavior to be the person, this destroys the concept of a better relationship, creating all kinds of conflict in your need for a better relationship. Myth 2 Love means that I can fix your partner. Reality Check 2 You met your partner because of some special quality or charteristic that you admired. You need to accept and allow that quality to flourish in order to allow you and your partner to grow into a better relationship. You may be unaware that you do not even like yourself. Yet by allowing your partner to grow and expand, you will experience the quality of your partner and the beauty within you, as you begin to enjoy a better relationship. Myth 3 I am supposed to give up the things I like in order to be in a better relationship. Reality Check 3 Giving up the things you like to be in a better relationship...