Advice on Relationships

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Author:
Pat Swan, M.S.

Human beings are relational by nature. Therefore, interpersonal relationships, past or present, personal or professional, represent a primary source of stress in our lives. Chronic stress is a major factor in the breakdown of our immune system, and has been found to be the source of many emotional and physical disorders.

Numerous studies have linked stress to illnesses including heart disease, fibromyalgia, migraines, cancer, ulcers, irritable bowel syndrome, low back pain, and many more.
Stress management strategies often suggested include deep breathing, relaxation exercises, physical exercise, meditation, and yoga, among others.

But how often have you heard someone suggest that it is important to evaluate your relationships and reduce your interpersonal stress in order to effectively improve health?

In my practice as a Marriage and Family Therapist more than 90% of my clients suffering from depression, anxiety or other mental illnesses have one primary complaint – relationship problems at work or at home.

We have heard that we must quit smoking to reduce risks of cancer and enhance health. Have we heard the results of divorce studies that indicate that the stress related damage to a man going through divorce is equal to smoking a pack of cigarettes a day? It appears from this study that reducing conflict in our relationships could equal our quitting smoking as a health strategy.

We have heard that we must exercise, eat healthy and watch our cholesterol if we want to avoid a heart attack. But have we heard that an element closely linked to heart disease has been defined as the “hostility “ factor, or “cynical mistrust of others.” It appears from this that improvement in conflict resolution skills and dealing with interpersonal anger may be more helpful than other strategies in maintaining good cardiovascular health.

We know that most individuals surviving cancer will try many complementary and alternative options to lengthen their lives. But did you know that studies have shown that women surviving breast cancer can double their survival time if they are involved in a close, intimate support network?

These and many other studies confirm the fact that healthier relationships lead to better health, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Most of us did not learn effective interpersonal skills at home. So why do so few individuals consider relationship skills training right from the start, before the stress becomes chronic? Probably because we haven’t been made aware of the facts.

The good news is that anyone can improve their relationships through learning simple skills including active or reflective listening, conflict resolution, behavioral changes, and thought management, among others.
If you want less stress, and more fun and fulfillment in your life, consider exploring options for relationship skill building. Whether the relationship is past or present, personal or professional, you can make it better and get healthier in the process.

About the Author
Pat Swan, M.S., CMFT: Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, Trainer, Author of “Watch Out! Your Relationships Can Be Hazardous To Your Health.” www.RelationshipSkillville.com. Subscribe to my FREE ezine “The Skillville Scoop”. Mail to pat@patswan.com

A Quick Note From The Publisher... If you like the article above, you may be interested in the following article which is also related to Improve Relationships... Top Ten List of What to Do and What Not to Do in Relationships Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone beyond the infatuation stage know that relationships are like a rollercoaster ride. When things are good, they are very, very good. When things are bad, they are very, very bad. As a relationship coach, I have developed Top 10 Lists---one for men and one for women on 10 things to do and not to do in relationships. MEN DO 1.Just listen to your partner without offering advice. 2.Trust and respect her. 3.Treat her as an equal partner in your relationship. 4.Stay and support her when she gets emotional. She is looking for understanding, not solutions. 5.Continue your courtship even after she’s committed to you. Continue to create romance in your relationship. 6.Do little things on a regular basis. A woman doesn’t care if you call her at work to say, “I love you” or if you buy a new TV for the living room. The small things are worth just as much as the big ones. 7.Honor any agreements you have made with her. 8.Encourage her goals and direction. 9.Find out what your partner would like to do and then do it with her. 10.Say, “I’m sorry” when you’ve done something you regret or that was hurtful to your partner, whether intentionally or unintentionally. DON’T 1.Go to bed angry with your partner. 2.Try to offer advice or solutions when your partner just needs you to listen to her without comment. 3.Pretend to listen to her when you really aren’t. 4.When you need to sort things out in your head, just explain you need space, you aren’t angry with your partner and that you’ll be back. 5.Criticize your partner, especially her appearance. 6.Yell at your partner as if you were her father. 7.Take every word she says literally. Women, when upset, tend to speak in absolutes, such as “You NEVER listen to me;” when what she...