Advice on Relationships

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Author:
Pat Swan, M.S., Life and Relationship Coach, Speaker, Trainer and Author

Relationships hold a high place for most of us, especially women. We want great relationships with clear communication, empathy, understanding, mutual trust and friendship and fantastic sex - we want DYNAMITE RELATIONSHIPS.

But what do we get much of the time? Relationships loaded with communication
problems, irritability, conflict, misunderstandings, blame, hurt and anger! If you have a relationship like this you know what I mean. Stress grows and settles in your muscles and organs and you develop fibromyalgia, migraines, stomach problems, anxiety and depression.

Loyalty, tradition and fear of failure demand we stay. We try again and again to fix the problems, ignore the fighting, and say the same thing for the tenth time with different words. Do you identify with this situation? Perhaps you stuff resentment and deny personal needs for the sake of the relationship. You experience little explosions on a daily basis and feel constantly on edge. Then it's Monday morning and we play pretend again for another week.

Walking through these relationship mine fields is hazardous to your health.

The longer that relationship stress goes on, the longer your immune system is shut down, and the longer your muscles and organs are exposed to dangerous stress hormones. You are at risk. If you have an illness, it will get worse. If you have no illness yet, you will likely get one.

What can you do? Whatever you do, don't wait! Magical thinking tells us that it will change on its own. It won't. You have to change. Your health and well being depend on it. But the good news is, you can make a difference. It is not necessarily a lost cause.

Here are the top ten tips for building DYNAMITE RELATIONSHIPS.

1.Get to know yourself, inside and out. Know what you want and need. Know what you like. Determine your values and priorities. Write them down. Believe in yourself and don't compromise.

2.Choose healthy relationships from the start. Don't go out looking for a red dress and settle for beige! Don't be desperate - be choosey!

3.Move slowly and develop a strong foundation. Don't get enmeshed in an emotional relationship before you see the hazards and recognize the danger.

4.Nurture good relationships. Take the first step to schedule a get together or just chat on the phone.

5.Develop excellent communication and conflict resolution skills, and use them. This in itself can drastically change a relationship.

6.Develop assertiveness skills. Passive people ignore their needs and get walked on. Aggressive people walk on others to get what they want. Assertive people learn to get their needs met without walking on anyone.

7.Learn to really listen. Listen with body, mind and spirit.

8.Be self-aware. When a misunderstanding happens, check it out. Be sure you have all the information. Determine what part you played in the situation.

9.Develop intuition and body awareness so you can identify relationship stress in your body immediately, as it is happening. Then deal with it appropriately before it gets deadly.

10.Lose the denial. If something isn't right, deal with it. Don't play pretend and wake up too late. All relationships have misunderstandings. It's how we deal with them that counts.

If you find yourself struggling with your relationships, new or long term, don't wait! The window of opportunity for change is narrow. Anger and resentment destroy relationships, even good ones. Life and Relationship Coaching can help you reach your goals and develop the DYNAMITE RELATIONSHIPS you desire.

About the Author
Pat Swan, M.S., Life and Relationship Coach, Speaker, Trainer and Author. Check out her ebook, "Watch Out! Your Relationships Can Be Hazardous To Your Health." Available at www.StopRelationshipStress.com Call for a FREE 30 minute introductory coaching session today. 262-642-5706, mailto:pat@patswan.com , http://www.RelationshipSkillville.com; http://www.StopRelationshipStress.com .

A Quick Note From The Publisher... If you like the article above, you may be interested in the following article which is also related to Improve Relationships... Getting More From Dating, Romantic Relationships, and Marriage Romantic relationships happen because of the hopes and dreams a couple has for a happy life together. The relationship will continue to be pleasant and rewarding as long as the hopes and dreams are kept alive by staying concerned with what is good about the relationship. This article suggests ways for staying aware of what makes your romantic relationship worthwhile. Don't Expect Too Much -- Don't expect a perfect relationship. That happens only in fairy tales. If you expect everything to be wonderful, it makes your relationship less valuable by comparison. Problems will occur. You will get hurt. Being too concerned with the problems will stop you from paying attention to what is good in the relationship. Romance and love will more likely happen if you allow them to happen instead of making them a goal. If love is the goal, you will compare how the relationship is now to what you think it should be. You will be continually disappointed. Making the relationship better should be the goal. Pay attention to treating each other fairly and helping each other. If love happens, it will be based on believing that both of you can continue to build a good relationship. Your attitude should signal the other person that you will try to patiently work through each other's shortcomings. It won't be easy. Being tolerant and non-condemning is a challenge. But consciously making an effort to be tolerant goes a long way. Build Upon What Is Good -- Find activities that you both like and do them together. These can be activities such as gardening, cooking, hobbies, conversation, recreation, an interest in art, charity volunteering, and family activities. Having interests that are shared, keeps a couple involved in each other's lives. Share ideas to find ways to more...