Advice on Relationships

Poll

	|   |

Author:
Kim Olver

Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone beyond the infatuation stage know that relationships are like a rollercoaster ride. When things are good, they are very, very good. When things are bad, they are very, very bad. As a relationship coach, I have developed Top 10 Lists---one for men and one for women on 10 things to do and not to do in relationships.

MEN

DO

1.Just listen to your partner without offering advice.
2.Trust and respect her.
3.Treat her as an equal partner in your relationship.
4.Stay and support her when she gets emotional. She is looking for understanding, not solutions.
5.Continue your courtship even after she’s committed to you. Continue to create romance in your relationship.
6.Do little things on a regular basis. A woman doesn’t care if you call her at work to say, “I love you” or if you buy a new TV for the living room. The small things are worth just as much as the big ones.
7.Honor any agreements you have made with her.
8.Encourage her goals and direction.
9.Find out what your partner would like to do and then do it with her.
10.Say, “I’m sorry” when you’ve done something you regret or that was hurtful to your partner, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

DON’T

1.Go to bed angry with your partner.
2.Try to offer advice or solutions when your partner just needs you to listen to her without comment.
3.Pretend to listen to her when you really aren’t.
4.When you need to sort things out in your head, just explain you need space, you aren’t angry with your partner and that you’ll be back.
5.Criticize your partner, especially her appearance.
6.Yell at your partner as if you were her father.
7.Take every word she says literally. Women, when upset, tend to speak in absolutes, such as “You NEVER listen to me;” when what she really means is that you aren’t listening to her at that time.
8.Allow jealousy to erode the trust, love and respect of your relationship.
9.Violate her privacy.
10.Forget special occasions.

Men and women have different communication styles, different needs and desires, and different relationship challenges. Learning these differences can assist us in strengthening the relationships we have now and in the future. John Gray began this revolutionary discovery in his book, Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus. The Women’s List follows:

WOMEN

DO

1.When you want more quality time with your man, make the time you do have as positive as possible.
2.Trust and respect him.
3.Stop nagging.
4.Allow your partner time away from you without giving him the third degree.
5.Appreciate the little things he does for you and tell him so.
6.Make love creatively and often. Don’t be afraid to initiate lovemaking.
7.Honor any agreements you have made with him.
8.Support his goals and direction.
9.Ask for what you want! (Believe it or not, no matter how much he loves you, he really can’t read your mind.)
10.Accept his “No” gracefully, trusting that he would if he could.

DON’T

1.Go to bed angry with your partner.
2.Insist he always share his feelings with you. Talking about feelings is more what women need.
3.Attempt to converse with your partner during a good movie or sporting event.
4.Continue to “give” in what you perceive is a lopsided relationship when you are at a point of resentment.
5.Criticize him or put him down, especially the things he does.
6.Scold your partner as if he were a child.
7.Use sex as a prize for good behavior or the withholding of sex as punishment for “bad” behavior.
8.Compare him to a fictional character in a book, movie or soap drama and find him lacking.
9.Violate his privacy.
10.Try to change him. Appreciate the man he is right now.

There is so much to learn about satisfying relationships that your parents never showed you. Please don’t become one of the statistics of divorce or perhaps worse, stay in a miserable relationship to honor your marriage vows while having so many regrets about your life as the time ticks away.

Take charge and take control of your life. Learn some new ways to improve the relationship you are already in or to prepare yourself for being a better, improved partner for the next person in your life. Contact Kim at 708-957-6047 or email at Kim@TheRelationshipCenter.biz about relationship coaching or take one the many Teleclasses scheduled on the Events Calendar at www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz. Don’t wait until it is too late.

About the Author
Kim Olver is a licensed professional counselor and a life/relationship coach. She helps people unleash their personal power by living from the inside out, focusing their time and energy on only those things they can control. She also helps people improve the quality of their relationships with the people in their lives. For further information about Kim visit her website at www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz or contact her at
(708) 957-6047.

A Quick Note From The Publisher... If you like the article above, you may be interested in the following article which is also related to Improve Relationships... Ten Tips for Building Dynamite Relationships Relationships hold a high place for most of us, especially women. We want great relationships with clear communication, empathy, understanding, mutual trust and friendship and fantastic sex - we want DYNAMITE RELATIONSHIPS. But what do we get much of the time? Relationships loaded with communication problems, irritability, conflict, misunderstandings, blame, hurt and anger! If you have a relationship like this you know what I mean. Stress grows and settles in your muscles and organs and you develop fibromyalgia, migraines, stomach problems, anxiety and depression. Loyalty, tradition and fear of failure demand we stay. We try again and again to fix the problems, ignore the fighting, and say the same thing for the tenth time with different words. Do you identify with this situation? Perhaps you stuff resentment and deny personal needs for the sake of the relationship. You experience little explosions on a daily basis and feel constantly on edge. Then it's Monday morning and we play pretend again for another week. Walking through these relationship mine fields is hazardous to your health. The longer that relationship stress goes on, the longer your immune system is shut down, and the longer your muscles and organs are exposed to dangerous stress hormones. You are at risk. If you have an illness, it will get worse. If you have no illness yet, you will likely get one. What can you do? Whatever you do, don't wait! Magical thinking tells us that it will change on its own. It won't. You have to change. Your health and well being depend on it. But the good news is, you can make a difference. It is not necessarily a lost cause. Here are the top ten tips for building DYNAMITE RELATIONSHIPS. 1.Get to know yourself, inside and out. Know what you want and need. Know what...